Tariff This, San Antonio: 5 Things That Deserve a Fee for Existing

by Kristen Smith, Realtor

San Antonio, I love you. But let’s be honest… sometimes living here feels like a full-time job — and not the kind that comes with paid time off. Between the traffic, allergies, and tax bills, we’re out here putting in work.

So today, I’m proposing something bold: Let’s start charging tariffs on some of the most stressful parts of San Antonio life. Why not get reimbursed for emotional damage, right?

1️. TRAFFIC + NEVER-ENDING CONSTRUCTION

I-35, 281, Loop 1604 — I’m looking at all of you.

We’ve got more orange barrels than Whataburgers. Construction zones that seem to multiply like Fiesta medals. I swear it’s been 84 years since the last time I drove through without merging three times and missing my exit.

Toll roads? Nah. TAR-IFF roads. Pay up for every time we hit a detour on the way to H-E-B.

2️. THE SUMMER HEAT 🔥

If your AC isn’t doing backflips by July, congratulations — you live in a simulation. For the rest of us, it’s triple-digit temps in the shade and we’re debating if we really need groceries or if we can DoorDash water.

San Antonio sun tax? Approved. Let’s tariff July through September and call it emotional weather compensation.

3️. CEDAR SEASON aka Allergy Armageddon 🤧

Cedar pollen should be illegal. Every winter, like clockwork, San Antonians turn into congested, puffy-eyed zombies. Pharmacies run out of allergy meds, and we all start asking the question: Is it cedar, or is it a cold?

Let’s be real — it’s cedar. It’s always cedar.
Tariff the trees. Tax the tissues. Pay the people.

4️. BEXAR COUNTY PROPERTY APPRAISALS 🧾

Oh hey, it’s spring again. That means bluebonnets, barbacoa, and… surprise! Your home value just jumped $45,000.

No, we didn’t remodel. No, the kitchen still needs updating. But somehow, the Bexar County Appraisal District has found a way to ruin your coffee.

Friendly reminder: If you haven’t protested your value yet, do it now. (And if you don’t want to DIY it, I’ve got some amazing pros I can refer you to.)

📆 Protest deadline: May 15 or 30 days after you receive your notice. Don’t wait!

5️. NEW HOME BUILDER INCENTIVES 😳

You’ve seen the signs:
“Red Tag Sale!”
“3.99% Interest Rate!”
“We’ll cover your closing costs AND throw in a puppy!”

Okay, maybe not the last one — but honestly, it’s not far off. Builders are working overtime to pull you in, and I get it! But hey — our pre-owned homes deserve some love too. Character? Charm? Mature trees and established neighborhoods? Check. ✔️

Tariff the hype. Support resale. And when in doubt… call your favorite San Antonio Realtor (that’s me 👋).

Final Thoughts

San Antonio, you’re still my favorite city. But if we could just collect a few tariffs on these everyday struggles, maybe — just maybe — we could all afford more tacos and a second AC unit.

Thinking about buying, selling, or just ready to protest those property taxes? I’m your girl.